Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook five minute pancakes in one minute. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. On Wednesdays, after work I repair electrical appliances free of charge. Last summer I toured The Balkans with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat. Childrens trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.